Love, Dreams and Euphoria...

I sat near the window and stared at the orange street lights illuminating the empty streets. I could see nothing except a swarm of insects seeming to be in a race to the surface of the light.
Night-time has an effect that no other period of the day has. So silent and peaceful. Seems like a a rhythm which is melancholic and euphoric at the same time. Seems like I've never felt that way before. Seems like I've had all the emotions pass through me in that one night...

My mind wandered off to the things that I've done in the past. My first crush. My bogus captaincy of a very bogus football team. My second rank in the seventh grade. Meeting Yash. Being in the football team together. Making up stories of Gurinder and a shemale fairy who takes his ass away. First fights. Annual function. Relationships. Depression. Decisions. Very bad decisions. Meeting an angel. Regret.

I think of Yash and Gurinder. They've beeen my best friends the whole way. Gurinder always helped me when I was down and gave me the most cynical advices you could ever get. Though I've had one of my most awful fights with him; we've always been together. Enter Yash. Next year. Sitting on the first seat on the first day, hair oiled to the side. And I swear his trousers would touch his chin if he pulled them up an inch more! He wasn't interested in girls, nor did he slang. Gradually we became friends and I saw his true side. Horrifying. The most rude, extremely abusive(courtesy: Gurinder, and well, me(just a bit)) and excessively aggressive. Nonetheless, my best friend. Summer vacations ended, and came Prasanna. I've never laughed as much with anyone as I've laughed with him. He is the funniest person I've ever met. And the strangest. He didn't want anything, no relationships, no expectations from life. Content with what he had. Life seemed heaven. We four were extremely famous in school, and we were excessively happy together.
A year passed, and Prasanna revealed that his father had been transferred to Bangalore and he had to leave in a month. Yash was very upset. I always thought that Yash was the closest to Prasanna. Life was bad. Our group was broken. And to start everything from the beginning, I made one of the biggest mistakes. I switched my school. I came to my new school. Everything different. I had no friend. I kept on moving from group to group but never seemed to find the right one. I knew I had made a big mistake. Yash knew I was very upset. I knew from other sources that Yash was the most upset at our group breaking up. He did what possible no other friend would have done.

First day after the summer vacations. The day I dreaded. As I entered the classroom, I saw Yash standing, hands in his pockets. I was shocked. Happy out of my ass. I was nearly in tears. I swear. God had sent me a gift. Life was smooth. Me and Yash were together nearly everyday, and though we met Gurinder very less, every time we met, it seemed the same.
I had everything. Except one thing. I knew I couldn't complain God hadn't given me anything. I wanted love. I wanted an angel. My angel.
I don't know if it's God favouring me or my good luck, but soon enough, I got her. The perfect one. She was everything I wanted. Cute, sensible, mature, teasy(That refers to teasing), and romantic. Usually the pre-commitment period is between a month to a couple, but ours was 11 months. She was there for me throughout everything and acted as a guardian angel. She gave me everything I wanted even though I acted like a complete jerk. I love you for that baby[and every other smallest thing :)]...

I was startled by the two beeps given out by my digital clock beside me, efficiently reminding me that it was late and I ought to go sleep now. I stared the last five minutes at the orange light again. Seemed like a hundred spirits were singing the most beautiful song I'd ever heard. I got up and laid down on the bed, and closed my eyes slowly, smiling.
My gratitude to everyone I've known. My friends. My enemies. My family. You've made me what I am today. Good or bad.
Thank you my forever guardian angels- Yash, Gurinder, Prasanna, and you my Princess...
I love you guys. And I owe you many...
And no matter what the future holds. No matter even if we get separated. We're gonna give our best shot at being what we are today, forever.
I love you guys...
I'll always be there for you...

A Dream of Two Enemies...

This is dedicated to you Princess...
So that you know that I love you...


It seems like a dream. Things have never been so smooth before.
Love is possibly the best feeling. It isn't concerned with what is about to happen. Or with what has happened. It's just now. The beauty of now. Where life seems like a fairy tale.

My life is a fairy tale now. I don't know what the future is going to bring for us. Nor do I know what your feelings for me will be after 5 years... I only know that right now, I am in love with you, and you love me too.

I love it when you say that you can't live without me.
I love it when you softly say 'I love you' after some senti-talk.
I love it when you pronounce 'five' as 'fie'.
I love it/hate it when you stay up till 6 waiting for my call...
I love it when you take my name...
I love it when I hear 'Hot' by Avril Lavigne and remember that you dedicated it to me.
I love the way you sound just after you've woken up.
I love everything about you...Every single thing.

And this is just for you Bubbles.
Yours Always,
Dexter.

Simplicity Complicated...

I would never forget that night. I never could imagine that a simple night would cause an internal revolution inside my soul. I was listening to Lithium by Evanescence crouched under my bed sheet, chilled by the artificial coldness of the air-conditioner. I call that night a special night because that was when I discovered something as simple as A-B-C. But I guess I always do find complications in pure simplicity. Typical human nature.
I always thought I heard these sad, or perhaps dark songs because it helped me get out of the darkness, that is, depression. But that was when I realized I was totally wrong. I never did want to get out of the darkness, but right the opposite. The darkness is now my home, and I am happy to dwell in it. Life is a beautiful lie, where man-made conceptions are present. And I like to follow my own concepts, rather than following some other one’s.
And it really interests me, how we all learn so much from our inner selves. It’s as if another human inside me is teaching me to live. This factor leads me to another of my interests: Alchemy...
And the last point : hypocrisy. I have to confess I am a bit of a hypocrite myself, but according to another of my concepts, everyone somewhat follow a bit of hypocrisy. I mean you, yes you, must be someone you are not to someone! Maybe your friend, or you mother, or a junior at school. Therefore, I am not guilty of being a hypocrite at times.
For now,
I'm signing off.
Goodbye.
-Aniket-

Just another day...

We were friends. Or maybe a bit more than that. We had once upon a time been committed for three days until we(she) decided that the feeling we(she) felt was more of affection rather than love. And we broke up. We promised this wouldn’t ruin our friendship, as we were not ‘just friends’. We spoke about everything. From the Indo-US nuke deal to our marriage(I told you we were not just friends). But it was quite clear that the relationship between us is friendship, and nothing more than that.
Months passed. We told each-other ‘I love you’ once and again but we were ‘just friends’.
I was pretty sure my previous feelings for her were over, until today.
I called her up when I came back from school. First she apologized for not being able to answer the call last night as she had fallen asleep. I couldn’t blame her, 1:30 AM is late.
Then she said she had something to tell me. And then she murmured ‘no nothing’. As if I would quit without knowing what she was about to say.
Here’s the telephonic conversation we had.

Me: Is it bad for me?
She: I don’t know. Don’t think so.
I remember the last time you said that. We broke up an hour later.
She: You promised we wouldn’t speak of our break-up ever again.
Me: Yeah. Ok. So, what’s the thing?
She: Nothing ya. I’ll tell you online. It’s much easier that way.
Me: O come on. Just say it!
She: Uh oh k. You remember that room in my school I told you about? Where all the couples go for making out and stuff?
Me: Uh-huh.
She: I went there.
Me: So?
She: Can’t you understand? Find the hidden message!
Me: You made out?!!??

(I was shocked. Impossible. She said she didn’t like any guy. It must be something else.)

She: Kinda.
Me: Oh! Wow! Who was the guy?
She: Guess.
Me: Aamir?
She: I won’t say anything.

(I knew that meant yes.)

Me: But you said you don’t like him!
She: Of course I don’t. It was unavoidable. You know what I mean. You yourself say that things are quite unavoidable at times.

(Fuck me. I wonder why I say things like that.)

Me: Wow! This is so cool! This was your second smooch right? And probably the first proper one. This is so cool!
She: What’s so cool? And let’s not speak about this. I regret everything that happened.

She didn’t know how relieved I was to not speak about this. I felt dejected, disappointed, and every other adjective which was related to failure.
But there was no reason for me to feel that way. We’re ‘just friends’, right?
I sensed I needed some time alone. I told her dad’s getting angry so I got to go. She said I couldn’t go; We’d just started talking. I reminded her that it had been 45 minutes. And after a lot of friendly-romance(I didn’t get any term), and a very genuine I love you from my side, I ended the call and returned to my own imaginary world with the sweet sound of soft songs ringing in my ear, wondering what the future held for me, and well,her...

My Resignation Letter...

Friends, I resign today.
Resign from my responsibilities.
Yes. I resign today.
Resign from this artificial maturity.

And I quit today,
All the compromises I have to make.
And I leave today,
All the responsibilities for my own sake.

I resign from the reality.
I resign from my post today.
My post of fulfilling the hopes.
My post of brightening the ray.

As I seek to again run out,
When i hear the ice-cream bell.
I seek to again cry,
To hear the stories promised to tell.

I resign today, my friends.
From this fake world I see.
I resign today, and hence,
Return to my childhood glee.

Tell Me Not...

Hallo people. The following poem that I post is very special to me as it was the first poem that I had written. I was at Kolkata that time and was in the 6^thgrade. I hope you all like it. Thank you.

Tell Me Not

Tell me not, the stories of heaven;
As heaven is the end of life.
Tell me not, the fear of death;
I am not scared of anything tonight.

Tell me not, the call of eagles;
As they fly along the height.
Tell me not, the joys of morning;
I like the silver of the night.

Tell me not, the pain of life;
As it hurts me deep inside.
Tell me not, the truth of souls;
As it brings dark thoughts to the mind.

Tell me not, the visions I dream;
As it reminds me of the needs.
Tell me not, the giggle of childhood;
As I regret my unending greed.

Tell me about the stars;
And the birds who sleep at night.
As day is the enemy of adventure;
And the enemy of the moon’s might.

My Dedications To Myself... [Part II]

The Silence Of Sound

As I sat with the moon
With the eagles around;
I saw the light of darkness...
And the silence of sound...

The windy gust shook me.
As the darkening sky dried.
With myself and the darkness;
I hoped that I could fly.

Fly to the moon.
Where the white eyes would watch.
Fly to my answers.
And end this search.

To search the truth
Among all lies.
To search for euphoria
Among the grief and sighs.

And I looked at the moment.
Where only darkness I found.
And still wanted to stay;
With the silence of sound…

My Dedications To Myself...

Here are a few poems i wrote. I hope all of you like it. Opinions would be appreciated, rude comments would be not. Thank You.

My Evanescence.

As I saw the sun setting by the horizon
I saw the moon appear.
I saw that moment, grim and tense;
And saw from myself, my evanescence.

No one to understand I expect.
No one to share my heart.
And no one to know what it is,
To wait the end of this start.

I deny that I was lonely,
Though my heart would contradict.
And I smiled at myself, thinking hard,
How long that it had been.

So long that I saw the summer rise
So long since the autumns fall.
So long since the early spring
So long till I decided to end this all.

And i felt the Gothic darkness gripping me;
As the moon now fully emerged.
And I saw that moment, grim and tense;
From myself, My evanescence.

The Gothic Connection

The Gothic Connection.

First of all.
The Goth Culture.

It is basically indefinable, because "Goth" means different things to each follower. Many adopt unusual fashions in order to separate themselves from other youth. Gordon A. Crews, associate dean of the School of Justice Studies at Roger Williams University in Bristol, CT is an investigator of what he calls the "occult" which-- in his opinion -- includes the Goth culture. He said: "It is up to the individual to define what Goth is for themselves ... The mentality is, 'I want to be left alone but I want to be seen. I want to see the shock on other peoples' faces." ₁₁

Some factors that are commonly observed are:

	Its unique music, art and literature.
	The use of extreme black clothing, light colored makeup, unusual hair styles, body piercing, bondage items, etc.
	A fascination with medieval, Victorian and Edwardian history.
	Wearing of symbols such as a Christian cross; an Egyptian ankh or "Eye of Ra," or "Eye of Horus;" a Wiccan pentacle, a Satanic inverted pentacle. etc. 14
	Goths tend to be non-violent, pacifistic, passive, and tolerant. Many in the media have mistakenly associated Goth with extreme violence and hatred of minorities, white supremacy, etc.
	Many Goths write about being depressed. Followers seem sullen and withdrawn, when in public. They are often much more "happy and carefree in the company of [other] Goths." 1 Examples of depression are: "Tigriss," commenting on her own life, writes: "So my gothic persona fit me quite well. My black clothing and dark music aptly reflected my own depression, pain, and anger which was what I made most of my life about. Most of my goth friends had dysfunctional families and troubled childhoods as mine. We could identify with each other through our dark make-up and painful pasts." 12 Researcher Jasin Tamlin comments: "If you take a look at the 640 sites that are listed on the Gothic Web Ring, you will find many of them filled with desperation, depression, anger, hatred, despair and angst." 13
	"A lot of people turn to the Gothic subculture after having a hard time in school, feeling alienated, and looking for a way to express themselves that mirrors those feelings. Others find the scene through literature, still others want to be shocking, and some people just find black clothing slimming." 1
	Goth music often deals with thought-provoking topics, concentrating on societal evils, like racism, war, hatred of groups, etc. Their music tends to concentrate on the very "nasty, unhappy" topics that "North American culture" wants to "ignore and forget."
	A fascination with death. They try "to find a different way of thinking about life, like trying to find beauty in life, pain and death. It's all a quest for immortality." 2
	In contrast, many Goths are optimistic about the future and see much beauty in the world.
	Some Goths enjoy playing role playing games. However, RPGs are not an integral component of Goth culture. It is just that those intellectual and creative challenges that draw them to the Goth scene make them more likely to enjoy RPGs as well.
	Other interests: writings by authors like Dante, Byron, Tolstoy; German Expressionist silent films; writing music; painting, etc. That was what religioustolerance.com had to say. Here are my own views. For your kind information-- Goths are not people who are looking for sympathy. Goths are not people who like to brood about their problems. Goths are not people who have a high impression of themselves. They are just common human beings, who follow the Goth culture; as many of you would follow Hinduism, Jainism, Islamic culture etc.